


50 Shades of Butt: a Novel by Tina Belcher

by WagonFullaPamcakes



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: 50 Shades of Grey Parody, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-08-12 08:35:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7927996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WagonFullaPamcakes/pseuds/WagonFullaPamcakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Up and coming writer Tina Belcher romances the mysterious dancer and somehow billionaire Jimmy Jr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Chapter One

I was looking at myself in the mirror when my roommate Tammy Larsen, who has rich parents but is not as smart or as pretty as me, came over to me.

“Don’t have a crap attack Tina, but I need you to take care of something important for me. Please, it’s important.”

I groaned. “What is it, Tammy?”

“You’ve got to interview this lame guy for the school paper. I was supposed to do it, but I can’t because I’m sick. Cough. Cough.”

“Oh Tammy, that sounds bad. I can definitely go and talk to a boy. For the paper.”

“Great! You’re going to talk to Jimmy Jr. the mysterious billionaire dancer.”

“Wow. When?”

“Um… if you leave now there’s a chance you might not be late!”

I almost had a crap attack right there. But I drove my car that I all the time drive to Jimmy Jr.’s mysterious office building. His stupid blonde secretary Jocelyn didn’t even give me a glass of water.

And then after some more stuff happened, I saw him. He was wearing grey pants that were perfectly tailored to accentuate his butt. 

It was the kind of butt on those naked Greek statues at the museum. And I knew I never wanted to look at another butt again. Well, I don't know if I would go that far. But it was a really amazing butt.

I asked him a bunch of questions that I don’t remember. But I recorded the interview and definitely did not forget to press “record” so I could listen to it later. His voice made me think about his butt.

After the interview he walked me to my car like a gentleman. Then he went back to his office building. I watched his butt as he walked away and wondered if I would ever see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story didn't need to exist, but the title did.


	2. Chapter 2: Another Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for the kind words everyone. I realize this is a very, very late update but I wasn't entirely sure if I was going to continue this. But it was fun, and seems amusing to people who aren't me, so here goes!
> 
> Hat tip to Jenny Trout, who read 50 Shades of Grey so I didn't have to.

After I left the interview I stood in the rain and thought about my future. The rain dripped down my glasses and made it hard to see, but it looked just like a scene from a movie. But my hair and clothes were also getting wet so I went to my car. I drove home while listening to very popular rock music and thinking about the interview. 

Tammy’s interview questions were pretty stupid - “How did you get so successful?” doesn’t really give you much to work with. But Jimmy Jr. had said that dancing made him successful, then stood up and danced on the table. I’m pretty sure that isn’t how interviews are supposed to go, but it meant I got to spend more time looking at his butt.

I got back to the cool apartment that I shared with Tammy. Her parents bought the apartment because they’re rich. Or maybe they bought the building, I’m actually not sure. But definitely at least the apartment.

Tammy was still sick when I got home, so I made her some soup.

“Thanks T! How was the interview?”

“It was great. I remembered to record it and everything.”

“How did he get so successful? That’s a great question. The best.”

“Uh… he said dancing. And then he danced on the table. For, like, 10 minutes.” I gave Tammy the tape recorder. “You can listen to the recording later.”

“Did you record the dancing?”

I flipped my hair dramatically. “No Tammy, he was just dancing, there wasn’t anything to record. I definitely didn’t forget to hit the record button.”

“Oh okay. Well I need to text a lot of boys who aren’t as handsome as Jimmy Jr. now, so you can go.”

Typical Tammy. But I didn’t need her and at least she wasn’t bothering me with questions, so I went to work. I work at my dad’s burger restaurant, which is very cool and popular. My dad was on the grill and my annoying little brother and my intelligent but evil little sister were nowhere to be seen. The burger of the day was the Scarborough Fair Burger (comes with parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme).

Suddenly, the door opened and Jimmy Jr. walked in. 

“Jimmy Jr.! I didn’t expect to see you here!”

He did a twirl and struck a pose. “I happened to be… in the neighborhood.”

He ordered the burger of the day, with some major eye contact when I asked if he wanted fries. Then his fingers brushed mine when he paid. Things were definitely heating up.


End file.
